Wednesday, 26 September 2012



Most people are familiar with the Biblical maxim about a family that prays together but in today’s world, most people are unaware of the strength in a family that playstogether!

Families are the most complex of all social groups: while some want to give theirs to charity, others would give an arm and a leg, and just about everything in between to get one.

Have you ever strolled down a crowded, sandy beach and seen in one little corner, a family laughing, playing, and being silly? It’s the most beautiful sight in the world isn’t it? In that instant, Mom forgets that Dad refused to help her with the chores last night; Dad forgets that Mom faked a headache last night and he didn’t get any; and the chubby-cheeked kids forget that Mom/Dad/both yelled at them on the way to the beach.

Family life is not removed from everyday life and as such is subject to all the attendant ups and downs, but the tension would be better relieved if on top of everything else we learnt to let down our hair and laugh a lot, and just be silly and happy ¾ at least with this select few. So if you are wondering how to preserve that family of yours , overcome your conflicts, and bind them together against all odds, then here are a few suggestions:

1. Communicate
Communication in today’s technology-ridden world, is taking a backseat. Now, we just like” or“unlike” every comment and move on; monosyllables and slangs are the response of choice as we ‘lol’a lot or simply refrain from comment. It is not only sad, but also pathetic when two people who were once so feverishly in love, decide to ignore each other relegating one another to the same level of importance as, say the family butler! When siblings, spouses, or couples become polite strangers, that relationship is seriously on a one way ticket down the drain! So yes, even though taking a few minutes away from watching that football match or filing your nails seems like torture, I suggest that you do it anyway, and do it smiling!

2. Play
When it comes down to it, if a family must stay together, it must on top of everything else, play together! Divorce rates are off the charts, infidelity and separation are not far behind, domestic violence is attaining new heights, and general disillusion is creeping in on the married state. Time was, when those who did not want to get married were those headed for the monasteries or convents but now, getting married is fast becoming the exception to the general rule. If you are reading this and can't remember when last you played a naughty prank on that mum or wife or girlfriend of yours, then you need to do something about it pronto.
3. Laugh together
Every good relationship begins with the ability to share humour; every relationship can only be sustained if we retain that ability to laugh at the world together! Studies have shown that humans are naturally attracted to persons who make them laugh because, in layman terms, laughter releases 'feel-good hormones'. So when you leave it up to another man or woman to bring laughter into the life of your significant other, please know that you can only blame the person you see in the mirror when that special person walks off with his/her new buddy.

4. Spend time alone
No don't panic. I don't mean time alone with yourself - although I don't see how that can hurt - I mean time alone with the other party: sibling, spouse, parent, whoever. And by time alone, I mean time just spent together in a relaxing environment talking or just enjoying the joys of nature together!

5.Take care of yourself
Yes that's what I said. Being in a relationship, of any sort really, is not just about the other person. Sometimes, taking care of yourself is the best thing you can do for the other person. Look at it this way: If you let yourself fade away into nothingness by neglecting yourself how does that help?

There are few things better than a happy family. Yours can be one too if you really want it to.

Sherina Okoye

Thursday, 13 September 2012


Yes folks, I was as surprised as you are to  hear about this and I had to google it immediately. Apparently, drugs do not work their poison on the inside only. But the question becomes, "How do you justify taking and taking and taking what is so obviously harmful to you?"
Believe it or not, the women in the pix are one and the same. Jael is from America'S Next Top Model. Now, a mere 6 years later, at the age of 28, this is what the drugs have done to the ravishing beauty on the left!

Tuesday, 11 September 2012

Signs of an Unfaithful Wife - How to know if your Wife has Cheated

Cheating may in fact be one of those things better relegated to the phrase "... different strokes for different people" because for some, cheating is a deal breaker, but for some others, it is just one more thing to "roll with". Regardless, any man worth his salt is at least a teensy bit possessive and not overly eager to share his wife with every Tom, Dick, and Harry.
There are a whole lot of clues a woman will drop like bread crumbs when she starts stepping out on you and it is really up to you to be observant in order to pick up on them because let's face it, rarely will she walk up to you and bluntly tell you that she is cheating unless of course she despises you more than you will ever know. Some of those bread crumbs include:

1. She talks less.
Every woman is at some level, a chatter-box. It's just the way we are wired. Even the most quiet of women, will generally tell the man she loves every thing about her day from how she dissed that pompous co-worker to how she was cut off in traffic by one rude driver to how she chipped her nail while making dinner. A woman in love involves you so graphically in her day that you can actually picture it without being there. So fellas, when she suddenly stops talking about her day, you need to be worried because chances are, she has found someone else, perhaps more willing to listen than you are. Note: if you have always been in the habit of rebuffing her when whenever she tries to talk to you, her newfound reticence may be a direct result of your constant snubs. But even where this is the case, you should be worried because even if she is not cheating already, she is fast falling out of love.

2. You become "Dear John"
What I mean is, if there is a particular guy you suspect she may be cheating with, observe how she treats you around him. If she treats you like a good ol'buddy around him, you may want to keep a closer eye on that relationship. If she is emotionally entangled with him, then when in the company of both of you, she will instinctively try to treat you both equally rather than show 'favoritism'.

3. Kissing
The rule of the Kiss Test is general to men and women so if she is cheating on you, her kissing technique will change, subconsciously picking up that of the other man. But please do not inject paranoia into this as she may merely not want to ruin her lipstick or something.

4. Change in apparels
By this, I do not necessarily mean clothes, but lingerie. If your wife has been prone to comfortable, good-girl cotton underwear for your 10 years of marriage and all of a sudden she is investing in eye-popping lacy scraps then you should be worried unless of course you have been harping on that and urging her to go lacy. On the reverse, she could suddenly decide to start wearing sexy lacy undies if she thinks you are cheating because she is subconsciously trying to compete with the other woman to win you back!!! Either way, you need to talk to her because you can't win this one: If she is cheating, you are losing her; and if she is not cheating but thinks you are cheating, you should probably fear for your life because hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.

5. Lying
I never met a cheat who wanted to be caught so lying is invariably a sign that she has something to hide or that she has done something she is not very proud of. When a lady lies, she may pat her hair, look away, give a small smug sneer when she thinks you aren't looking,etc. However these are not necessarily fool proof signs. For a better ability to detect when she is lying to you, please see my artcle below: Can You Really Tell When She Is Lying to Your Face?

6. Anger
90% of women will not cheat unless they have transferred their affections to another man. So if your woman is cheating on you, she will invariably start seeing you as the other man. In her eyes, you are forcing her to be unfaithful to the man she loves i.e. her lover. Also, believe it or not, she may blame you for her affair and this will likely show itself in unexplained surges of anger. So if she suddenly starts detesting your touch, avoiding physical contacts in conversation, etc, you may want to sit up. In the reverse, when she is suddenly indifferent about your failure to say, pick her up for lunch or doesn't get angry because you did not remember your wedding anniversary, you may be glad to have escaped a major row but trust me, you have a big problem.

7. She never nags. Ever
To most men, the ideal woman is one who never nags and because of that, most women go out of their way to avoid nagging at all times.In truth however, every woman will nag once in a while because it's innate. It may be little things like trying to tell you how to drive, or how to knot your tie, or how to file your nails, but when your wife totally leaves you to your own devices all of a sudden, and doesn't turn a hair when you dash out on your way to work with an orange shirt and a green trouser, chances are, she has found someone else to 'mother'.

8. Overattentiveness vs Indifference
Ordinarily, a cheating wife may become indifferent but in reality, most women who cheat feel guilty and because of that, she may try to compensate by being even more attentive to you. Do not be the clueless, naive husband; be alert!!! If she becomes overly attentive, you need to ask what she is trying to make up for.

9. New Hobbies.
Studies have shown that in a relationship, women are more likely to try new things to please the men in their lives than vice versa. If your previously sports-allergic wife suddenly takes up shooting hoops on Saturdays, then there may be a new man in her life. Of course, this is not an absolute sign of cheating as the woman may simply be trying to take up a new lifestyle for absolutely healthy reasons like fitness. If you are not sure, simply ask when she least expects it and watch her reaction.

10. New friends.
If she is cheating on you, chances are she will start avoiding her old friends because she may not want them to discover her shameful secret. As a general rule, female friends are less tolerant of cheating than male friends so while a man who is straying may be cheered on by his friends, a woman who is cheating may be condemned by her friends.(Yes it reeks of double standards but that is just the way it is).

11. Unaccountable hours
I mentioned this last because it is so well known that it is almost like the litmus test of cheating. (Indeed in my article on Signs of An Unfaithful Husband I chose not to mention it at all.) If your wife is cheating, you may be sure that there will be a lot of inexplicable absences and delays and some incredible stories to explain away the absences or just plain silence.

There are several other signs that a woman is no longer 100% committed to you, but please note that the above-listed are not fool proof because there is always an exception to every rule! Some may display these signs and not be cheating, but others may not display any of these but may in fact be cheating. It's really up to you to be observant and pay attention to her once in a while - Yes despite how interesting that Sunday Paper is!!!

Thursday, 6 September 2012


The wife is always the last to know- at least that's what they say. But is that always the case? A cheating spouse will always leave clues right under your nose and the only reason you won't spot this is that your head is buried in the sand, or the clouds (if you prefer). Now if you don't want to be the object of pity and tsking noises and absolutely do NOT want to come off as gullible, naive, and half-blind to boot, I suggest you keep your eyes peeled for these signs... yes, despite how happy your marriage is!!!

Cheating is fast becoming as common as pizza. This is however not an invitation to put on your paranoid slippers and start imagining that every man in sight (perhaps even one who is bedridden and can't get around without you) is cheating.

There are some fool-proof signs that will out a cheating spouse, and surprisingly, they are not the obvious ones you would be expecting. I mean get real: how many husbands WOULD actually leave lipstick stains on their collars? So learn to look for the not-so-obvious like:

1. Incessant and Unjust complaints

If your husband suddenly starts finding fault with things he was perfectly okay with before, consider yourself put on notice because it means that there is now someone else in his life, new apparently, whose opinion he values enough to want to overturn all that was previously familiar and normal. Chances are, he will start wanting to change the little things like your shampoo, or your laundry detergent, or the way you arrange the scrambled eggs on the plate, or even the way you wax the floors and before you know it, he decides the little things are not enough, he wants to change his wife.

2. Instincts

For most of us, every time we ignore our instincts, we end up regretting it, and in truth, a woman's instincts are usually more accurate than she gives them credit for. If you suddenly start getting that feeling in the pit of your stomach that he is 'stepping out on you', you may want to start being more alert.

3. Body Language

There is a lot to be said for body language no matter how people may underrate them. A cheating husband will, at some level, feel guilt (unless of course he is a sociopath) and invariably, if you are good, you can virtually smell and SEE the guilt coming out of his pores. Of course, every cheat is also a liar (whoever heard of an honest cheat), so if you suspect cheating, then you have to be on your toes to catch him out in a lie. Clue, body language. It may not always be about holes in his story; sometimes, it's in the way he tells them. Studies have shown that not all liars avoid eye contact; in fact some go out of their way to make eye contact so you have to look for other clues.

4. Kissing

If your spouse has been lip-locked with someone else, invariably, his kissing style changes. It may be subtle or overt but once he has kissed the forbidden lips, the next time he touches lips with you, he unconsciously mimics the other woman's technique. This does not however suggest that he wouldn't kiss differently if say, he was punched on the lips by the friendly neighbourhood burglar while the latter was carting away family treasures, nor is this meant to suggest that 20 years down the line, he would kiss you the same way he did at your wedding ceremony. You can easily figure out where to draw the line being that you are a sensible woman.

5. Excessive explanations

Do you remember being a kid with an overeager imagination? When you were asked who had been in the cookie jar, you made up stories ranging from burglars to fairies in order to protect the real culprit, you; but when you were innocent of the 'theft', you simply said, "I don't know".

When a man has been unfaithful, a simple "How was work?" is likely to earn you incredible accounts of how he got delayed because his boss decided to do the rumba on the conference table.

6. Suspicion

An unfaithful spouse will suddenly, and for no obvious reason, become suspicious of you, accusing you of flirting with everyone from the mailman to the elderly gentleman next door. If he was previously not the unreasonably jealous type, then be alert because most cheats abide by the principle: an attack is the best defence. So while you are busy fending off his attacks, he may be quietly and happily cheating on the side.

7. He gives you unusually free rein with his gadgets

Most people check the phones and e-mails first if they suspect someone is cheating and so, most cheats have learnt to grow with the times. If he is being unusually non-possessive of his gadgets, then you may have cause for alarm because not only is he cheating, he is also consistently wiping off the evidence!!! It's like premeditated cheating!

8. Follow the money

Every cheating man wants to do right by his lady love so naturally, he resorts to gifts and trips. If you can follow his spending habits, you may have a shot at catching him at it.

Please note that there are exceptions to every rule, but if four or more of these signs are present, you may want to keep a closer eye on your man. And yes, the signs in this articles are applicable not only to husbands, but also boyfriends. Indeed, where the 'suspect' is merely your boyfriend or fiance, a sign that works amazingly is: Watch where he spends time with you most. Studies have shown that if a man is juggling women, he rarely takes them to his house, prefering instead to spend more time at their place than his!

The worst thing you can do is confront a cheating husband before you have all the facts or evidence. Chances are, he will deny it and 'up' his cheating, daring you to catch him at his game - if you can!!!
                                                                                      Okoye Sherina O.
                                                                (Previously published by the author on Ezine Articles)