Saturday, 15 December 2012


I know, I know. We all looove our food because let's face it, even though most of us were not around during the Irish Potato Famine of 1845-1849 (or the Chinese Famine for that matter), we have all heard the dreadful stories and are all so scared silly of a possible famine that we choose to stuff ourselves like the famous Thanksgiving turkeys.

 However, as tempting as that third plate of Coq au Vin may seem, here's why you might want to restrain yourself:

1. The impossible weight you stand to gain, not to mention the indignity of hearing your knees CREAK at the ripe old age of 30 because all that excess weight is more than those poor things can carry!

2. Your sensibilities

 The "kill me now" embarrassment of being told to pay for two seats on an air flight. Think it does not happen? Let me tell you those skinny size zero air hostesses will absolutely be delighted to tell you your size 14 butt must be planted on two seats not one. And can you blame them? Coz let’s face it how would it look on their resume if the weight of one passenger took down the entire air craft on their watch?

3. Love vs. Lust

See that hot guy/girl you are eyeing? Well wanna bet that they prefer their partners slim? Absolutely. Well there is the occasional exception, but here’s a thought, if they insist they want you fat, why don’t they get all over-weight too so you guys can match in every sense of the word? Do not trust a rail-thin partner who encourages you to get fat. In my book, it may be a sign of something terribly wrong at the heart of your relationship!

4. Sensitivity

Have you ever walked down a street and felt self-conscious because you heard people laugh behind you? Well trust me, with every pound you pile on, that self-consciousness will take on a whole new meaning! And worse, they may be laughing at some other story and not the size of your behind, but you will skulk home with your confidence in shreds thinking you were the butt of their joke – no pun intended.


5. Your loved ones

Yes this might seem like a bit of a stretch but in truth, your weight sometimes affect those you love. I remember being a kid in Primary School. I had this classmate who talked tough and took pride in beating up all the little girls he could find (excluding yours truly of course; I was a fiery little termagant in my heyday J) Well imagine our surprise when this macho little guy ran out of class crying one day and hid until the end of classes! Know why? His mother had come to class! Well now that I remember her weight, it does bring a tear or two to my eyes too.

6. Health

And no I am not going to bore you with details of heart attack, lung capacity or arthritis coz chances are, you already know that. But look at it this way, what if you do have a heart attack and all your well-meaning neighbours come rushing to the scene but no one can lift you and you die anyway? Yes you might want to consider that.

7. Fashion

Well I could not leave this one out now could I? How many times have you had to gaze longingly at that absolutely killing Vera Wang gown or amazing Georges Hobeika couture piece in your closet and despite how much you absolutely wanted to, you couldn’t wear it because you could no longer fit into it? Enough said!

Despite all of these stated reasons, some people are actually happy within them despite being over-weight and if you are one of those lucky few, by all means stay as you are and don’t change a thing.

Tuesday, 4 December 2012


Ok, I have done it this time: I have shamelessly decided to be the whistle-blower! I asked a few women why they wear sexy lingerie and the answers were so “off the beaten path” that I naturally had to share it with you! I mean what kind of tattle-tale does not bear tales? J

So I asked why women wear sexy, killer, lingerie under all those clothes even when no one is going to see them and you won’t believe the answers I got back! And sorry guys, you were just the footnote!

1.     Accident:

Yes I had to sit down when I heard that one! And no, she wasn’t talking about an accidental, unplanned hook-up! Apparently, 70% of single women who are not in a relationship at all, do wear sexy, blow-your-mind lingerie under all those clothes so in case they have an accident on the way to wherever and all their clothes have to be cut off at the hospital, the nursing staff will not encounter granny panties or dirty underwear and die of laughter or just plain disgust!

Yep, got me!


2.     Changing rooms:

Apparently ladies sometimes wear hot lingerie so that if they have to try on clothes in some changing room or something, they won’t be shy about flashing other women; yes, regardless of whether they are heterosexual or not.


3.    Confidence:

There is something absolutely delightful about wearing absolutely sexy goodies underneath plain, severe, work-clothes and my survey showed that 8 in 9 women, indulge. So every time you see a career woman or nurse in scrubs hurry past, chances are, she just walked past with the hottest pair of lingerie you will never see.


4.    To hold on to youth:

Sadly for some women, growing older can feel like a death sentence. So I leant that sometimes as women get older, certain apparels may become unseemly and no matter how much she may want to wear them dressing like her teenage daughter may not be something she anticipates. As a result, most women gravitate to lingerie to make them feel sexy, young, and beautiful since the clothes do not do so anymore. So yes fellas, if your wife has started resorting to granny underwear, it may be a sign she has given up in the battle against age.


5.    For men:

Ok so I was kidding a little; guys were not the footnote after all. Apparently, ladies occasionally don jaw-dropping lingerie to spark up their love lives. Well one wonders how she feels when the man in her life barely spares a passing glance for the hot number. So the next time she surprises you with hot, hot, sexy lace, feel free to let out a wolf-whistle. We promise, you can’t possibly go wrong with that one!

Wednesday, 3 October 2012


Ok so I seem to have been out of commission for a while there. I apologize deeply. And don’t ask what I have been doing because all you will get in response is a pert command to ‘mind your own business’. J

Now, onto pressing matters: Are there really particular breed of men any woman would be ‘insane’ to say no to?
Contrary to public opinion, while money may make the world go round, it does not always make a man any more appealing than he truly is. Here are a few tips, based on home-spun truths, to get every woman within a 2000 mile radius positively salivating and chasing after you!!! Yes, fellas, that unfulfilled high school dream was always within your grasp but you just didn't see it because you were busy looking in the wrong direction!

And no, I am in no way suggesting that you have to have ALL of these traits, indeed if you do appear to have more than 4, even I wouldn't trust you!

WARNING: Any man who has four or five of these, will most likely be forced to run for his life from the hordes of women who will chase after him and I refuse to be liable for that of course.


  1. Gentle with weaker beings:

If you have ever heard the saying, “If you want to know the true character of a man, watch how he treats those weaker than him”, then you understand what I am saying! A man who is worth a woman’s time will be gentle with kids, animals, and yes... women.

In some cultures, I am told wife/girl-friend battering is considered the norm, and even accepted/expected to ‘prove that you are the head of the house’; ‘let her know her place’; ‘show that you are a man’; and some other such drivel. Well if you have been unfortunate to have been so brain-washed, then let me set you straight: pounding on a hapless woman, child or little puppy will NOT earn you respect. It may earn you fear, a lot of disdain and buckets of dislike!!! You may think it does not matter, but wait until you have say, a heart attack and the only people available to run for help are that woman you abused or that child you mistreated or that dog you kicked ¾ trust me, your perspective will change in a hurry.

Any woman with an ounce of oestrogen, can hardly resist a man who is gentle, sensous  and considerate. If you think I’m off my cookies then ask the nearest woman you can find how she feels when a man who looks like he can probably eat rocks for breakfast holds her as gently as if she were made of fine porcelian. Yes, even when a woman is 7 feet tall and as muscular ar say, Johnny Bravo, she still finds it absolutely sexy when a man makes her feel feminine every now and then.

  1. A Confidant:

If you have been following my previous posts then you know that women, no matter how quiet, love to talk ¾ at least to that special someone ¾ and a definite deal-breaker is being stuck with a man who relegates every thing she says to idle chatter. (If you have not been following said posts, then click here to see what I mean). So if a woman ever tells you “I am usually quiet around people, but not with you”, then you may be certain that she has just given you the stamp of approval!

No woman can resist a man who listens because listening is actually a very hard art for men to adopt. And when they do listen, they often seem to not be listening because they are usually focused on some football match or document or newspaper or such other thing. I know a woman who ended her relationship with this guy she absolutely adored because everytime she tried to talk to him, he “was focused on a bunch of sweaty guys running after a football on TV”.

Yes when I heard that one, I had to smile too. However, the crux of the matter is: if you absolutely want that woman to light up like a Christmas tree every single time you walk into a room, you might try listening a little more often and actually appear to be listening!

And a note of caution: sometimes, she may be bitching about something or someone to you but that does not necessarily mean she wants you to charge in and proffer solutions. What I mean is, do you remember a few times when she was positively lamenting about say her grumpy boss and when you magnanimously offered to tell that boss to let up on her, she almost bit off your head? Well sometimes, women tell you their problems because they just want the comfort of knowing that you are listening and you understand what they are going through but because men are naturally analytical, you may start immediately considering solutions to those problems! A word of advise to the wise: when next she starts going off on a wild tangent, you might want to try just holding her close in your arms, listen until your ears are pleading for mercy, then quietly ask what she wants to do. If she says she does not know, then you may gently offer your solution. 

  1. Considerate and romantic:

 I know, I know. Given the demise of chivalry, we all probably think it’s impossible that such a man could exist, but trust me, he can, and does exist.
Being considerate does not necessarily imply that you have to become a massuer, but when the woes of life get a woman down ¾ and they will, every now and then ¾ she will hardly ever forget that in your own small way, you tried to lighten the burden. Indeed, in today’s world, the rare man who exhibits even a trace of chivalry like holding doors for a lady or offering her his arm when she is trying to navigate a flight of stairs in impossibly high-heels will have no competition because any woman at all will be charmed. (But not if she senses that you are only doing that to impress and not because you sincerely want to).  Also, romance is underrated. People think it does not matter but in truth, there is no faster way to make her fall. Turn on the charm and give her an overdose. Trust me, she does not stand a chance.
So it may be something as simple as offering to do the dishes because she looks wrung out from a uniquely hard day at work; it may be something as simple as doing the sheets or heck, just giving her a peck and ordering her to ‘put her feet up’ while you whip up something for dinner (even if all you can manage is good ol’cereal) but either way, she never forgets. And more importantly, your macho image will still be intact ¾ I promise. J

  1. Intelligent:
While there is still hope for not-so-intelligent men, the fact remains that if you cannot at least hold an intelligent conversation, you will continually embarass her and no woman likes to be with someone she is not proud of.
Now even if a woman is willing to be with a man who has the brain of say, a jellyfish, then you may be sure that some day, some guy who knows what he is about will come along and sweep her away.
  1. Giving:
 Okay wipe that cynical sneer off your face, not every woman is after your miserable two dollars! Believe it or not, the little things are  more significant, memorable, and romantic than the big things.
I know for a fact that when she mentions that she couldn’t get her favorite shampoo (which probably costs all of a mere dollar) because the queue at the mall was too long, she would be more likely to squeal in surprised delight when you come home bearing that bottle of shampoo like the warrior you are than she would when you go get say, a bottle of 1984 Chateau or a box of Godiva chocolates. As incredible as it sounds, she appreciates the expensive bottle of wine of course and the chocolates (all those calories... sigh), but when you go after something she mentioned in passing like shampoo or even toothpaste, it may cost you 50 cents but she realizes you were listening even when she thought she was talking to herself! Also, it tells her that you are thinking of her a lot, and that you genuinely care about her rather than trying to impress her with some showy present that only cost you money and may well have been picked out by your secretary!
Believe me, you would be in for a hot treat that night, the type you could brag about to your friends for years ¾ and get your minds out of the gutter, I meant a gourmet treat! J

6. The “marrying kind” of man:

 Whether she wants to marry you or not, every woman wants to have you in her life because you are obviously, at some level, a steadfast sort. Whether you are her best friend or significant other, knowing that you are the sort of man who would in the long run settle with the right woman ¾ whenever she comes along ¾ makes her feel comfortable with you. Plus, if you are a marrying man, you probably respect women and that helps your image no end.

When you treat women terribly, other women take note. Now they may not say anything but in the end, you will be shocked at how almost no one is attracted to you anymore, and even if they are, they fight it with all their strength, as well they should!!!

                                                                                                                                   Okoye Sherina

Wednesday, 26 September 2012



Most people are familiar with the Biblical maxim about a family that prays together but in today’s world, most people are unaware of the strength in a family that playstogether!

Families are the most complex of all social groups: while some want to give theirs to charity, others would give an arm and a leg, and just about everything in between to get one.

Have you ever strolled down a crowded, sandy beach and seen in one little corner, a family laughing, playing, and being silly? It’s the most beautiful sight in the world isn’t it? In that instant, Mom forgets that Dad refused to help her with the chores last night; Dad forgets that Mom faked a headache last night and he didn’t get any; and the chubby-cheeked kids forget that Mom/Dad/both yelled at them on the way to the beach.

Family life is not removed from everyday life and as such is subject to all the attendant ups and downs, but the tension would be better relieved if on top of everything else we learnt to let down our hair and laugh a lot, and just be silly and happy ¾ at least with this select few. So if you are wondering how to preserve that family of yours , overcome your conflicts, and bind them together against all odds, then here are a few suggestions:

1. Communicate
Communication in today’s technology-ridden world, is taking a backseat. Now, we just like” or“unlike” every comment and move on; monosyllables and slangs are the response of choice as we ‘lol’a lot or simply refrain from comment. It is not only sad, but also pathetic when two people who were once so feverishly in love, decide to ignore each other relegating one another to the same level of importance as, say the family butler! When siblings, spouses, or couples become polite strangers, that relationship is seriously on a one way ticket down the drain! So yes, even though taking a few minutes away from watching that football match or filing your nails seems like torture, I suggest that you do it anyway, and do it smiling!

2. Play
When it comes down to it, if a family must stay together, it must on top of everything else, play together! Divorce rates are off the charts, infidelity and separation are not far behind, domestic violence is attaining new heights, and general disillusion is creeping in on the married state. Time was, when those who did not want to get married were those headed for the monasteries or convents but now, getting married is fast becoming the exception to the general rule. If you are reading this and can't remember when last you played a naughty prank on that mum or wife or girlfriend of yours, then you need to do something about it pronto.
3. Laugh together
Every good relationship begins with the ability to share humour; every relationship can only be sustained if we retain that ability to laugh at the world together! Studies have shown that humans are naturally attracted to persons who make them laugh because, in layman terms, laughter releases 'feel-good hormones'. So when you leave it up to another man or woman to bring laughter into the life of your significant other, please know that you can only blame the person you see in the mirror when that special person walks off with his/her new buddy.

4. Spend time alone
No don't panic. I don't mean time alone with yourself - although I don't see how that can hurt - I mean time alone with the other party: sibling, spouse, parent, whoever. And by time alone, I mean time just spent together in a relaxing environment talking or just enjoying the joys of nature together!

5.Take care of yourself
Yes that's what I said. Being in a relationship, of any sort really, is not just about the other person. Sometimes, taking care of yourself is the best thing you can do for the other person. Look at it this way: If you let yourself fade away into nothingness by neglecting yourself how does that help?

There are few things better than a happy family. Yours can be one too if you really want it to.

Sherina Okoye

Thursday, 13 September 2012


Yes folks, I was as surprised as you are to  hear about this and I had to google it immediately. Apparently, drugs do not work their poison on the inside only. But the question becomes, "How do you justify taking and taking and taking what is so obviously harmful to you?"
Believe it or not, the women in the pix are one and the same. Jael is from America'S Next Top Model. Now, a mere 6 years later, at the age of 28, this is what the drugs have done to the ravishing beauty on the left!

Tuesday, 11 September 2012

Signs of an Unfaithful Wife - How to know if your Wife has Cheated

Cheating may in fact be one of those things better relegated to the phrase "... different strokes for different people" because for some, cheating is a deal breaker, but for some others, it is just one more thing to "roll with". Regardless, any man worth his salt is at least a teensy bit possessive and not overly eager to share his wife with every Tom, Dick, and Harry.
There are a whole lot of clues a woman will drop like bread crumbs when she starts stepping out on you and it is really up to you to be observant in order to pick up on them because let's face it, rarely will she walk up to you and bluntly tell you that she is cheating unless of course she despises you more than you will ever know. Some of those bread crumbs include:

1. She talks less.
Every woman is at some level, a chatter-box. It's just the way we are wired. Even the most quiet of women, will generally tell the man she loves every thing about her day from how she dissed that pompous co-worker to how she was cut off in traffic by one rude driver to how she chipped her nail while making dinner. A woman in love involves you so graphically in her day that you can actually picture it without being there. So fellas, when she suddenly stops talking about her day, you need to be worried because chances are, she has found someone else, perhaps more willing to listen than you are. Note: if you have always been in the habit of rebuffing her when whenever she tries to talk to you, her newfound reticence may be a direct result of your constant snubs. But even where this is the case, you should be worried because even if she is not cheating already, she is fast falling out of love.

2. You become "Dear John"
What I mean is, if there is a particular guy you suspect she may be cheating with, observe how she treats you around him. If she treats you like a good ol'buddy around him, you may want to keep a closer eye on that relationship. If she is emotionally entangled with him, then when in the company of both of you, she will instinctively try to treat you both equally rather than show 'favoritism'.

3. Kissing
The rule of the Kiss Test is general to men and women so if she is cheating on you, her kissing technique will change, subconsciously picking up that of the other man. But please do not inject paranoia into this as she may merely not want to ruin her lipstick or something.

4. Change in apparels
By this, I do not necessarily mean clothes, but lingerie. If your wife has been prone to comfortable, good-girl cotton underwear for your 10 years of marriage and all of a sudden she is investing in eye-popping lacy scraps then you should be worried unless of course you have been harping on that and urging her to go lacy. On the reverse, she could suddenly decide to start wearing sexy lacy undies if she thinks you are cheating because she is subconsciously trying to compete with the other woman to win you back!!! Either way, you need to talk to her because you can't win this one: If she is cheating, you are losing her; and if she is not cheating but thinks you are cheating, you should probably fear for your life because hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.

5. Lying
I never met a cheat who wanted to be caught so lying is invariably a sign that she has something to hide or that she has done something she is not very proud of. When a lady lies, she may pat her hair, look away, give a small smug sneer when she thinks you aren't looking,etc. However these are not necessarily fool proof signs. For a better ability to detect when she is lying to you, please see my artcle below: Can You Really Tell When She Is Lying to Your Face?

6. Anger
90% of women will not cheat unless they have transferred their affections to another man. So if your woman is cheating on you, she will invariably start seeing you as the other man. In her eyes, you are forcing her to be unfaithful to the man she loves i.e. her lover. Also, believe it or not, she may blame you for her affair and this will likely show itself in unexplained surges of anger. So if she suddenly starts detesting your touch, avoiding physical contacts in conversation, etc, you may want to sit up. In the reverse, when she is suddenly indifferent about your failure to say, pick her up for lunch or doesn't get angry because you did not remember your wedding anniversary, you may be glad to have escaped a major row but trust me, you have a big problem.

7. She never nags. Ever
To most men, the ideal woman is one who never nags and because of that, most women go out of their way to avoid nagging at all times.In truth however, every woman will nag once in a while because it's innate. It may be little things like trying to tell you how to drive, or how to knot your tie, or how to file your nails, but when your wife totally leaves you to your own devices all of a sudden, and doesn't turn a hair when you dash out on your way to work with an orange shirt and a green trouser, chances are, she has found someone else to 'mother'.

8. Overattentiveness vs Indifference
Ordinarily, a cheating wife may become indifferent but in reality, most women who cheat feel guilty and because of that, she may try to compensate by being even more attentive to you. Do not be the clueless, naive husband; be alert!!! If she becomes overly attentive, you need to ask what she is trying to make up for.

9. New Hobbies.
Studies have shown that in a relationship, women are more likely to try new things to please the men in their lives than vice versa. If your previously sports-allergic wife suddenly takes up shooting hoops on Saturdays, then there may be a new man in her life. Of course, this is not an absolute sign of cheating as the woman may simply be trying to take up a new lifestyle for absolutely healthy reasons like fitness. If you are not sure, simply ask when she least expects it and watch her reaction.

10. New friends.
If she is cheating on you, chances are she will start avoiding her old friends because she may not want them to discover her shameful secret. As a general rule, female friends are less tolerant of cheating than male friends so while a man who is straying may be cheered on by his friends, a woman who is cheating may be condemned by her friends.(Yes it reeks of double standards but that is just the way it is).

11. Unaccountable hours
I mentioned this last because it is so well known that it is almost like the litmus test of cheating. (Indeed in my article on Signs of An Unfaithful Husband I chose not to mention it at all.) If your wife is cheating, you may be sure that there will be a lot of inexplicable absences and delays and some incredible stories to explain away the absences or just plain silence.

There are several other signs that a woman is no longer 100% committed to you, but please note that the above-listed are not fool proof because there is always an exception to every rule! Some may display these signs and not be cheating, but others may not display any of these but may in fact be cheating. It's really up to you to be observant and pay attention to her once in a while - Yes despite how interesting that Sunday Paper is!!!

Thursday, 6 September 2012


The wife is always the last to know- at least that's what they say. But is that always the case? A cheating spouse will always leave clues right under your nose and the only reason you won't spot this is that your head is buried in the sand, or the clouds (if you prefer). Now if you don't want to be the object of pity and tsking noises and absolutely do NOT want to come off as gullible, naive, and half-blind to boot, I suggest you keep your eyes peeled for these signs... yes, despite how happy your marriage is!!!

Cheating is fast becoming as common as pizza. This is however not an invitation to put on your paranoid slippers and start imagining that every man in sight (perhaps even one who is bedridden and can't get around without you) is cheating.

There are some fool-proof signs that will out a cheating spouse, and surprisingly, they are not the obvious ones you would be expecting. I mean get real: how many husbands WOULD actually leave lipstick stains on their collars? So learn to look for the not-so-obvious like:

1. Incessant and Unjust complaints

If your husband suddenly starts finding fault with things he was perfectly okay with before, consider yourself put on notice because it means that there is now someone else in his life, new apparently, whose opinion he values enough to want to overturn all that was previously familiar and normal. Chances are, he will start wanting to change the little things like your shampoo, or your laundry detergent, or the way you arrange the scrambled eggs on the plate, or even the way you wax the floors and before you know it, he decides the little things are not enough, he wants to change his wife.

2. Instincts

For most of us, every time we ignore our instincts, we end up regretting it, and in truth, a woman's instincts are usually more accurate than she gives them credit for. If you suddenly start getting that feeling in the pit of your stomach that he is 'stepping out on you', you may want to start being more alert.

3. Body Language

There is a lot to be said for body language no matter how people may underrate them. A cheating husband will, at some level, feel guilt (unless of course he is a sociopath) and invariably, if you are good, you can virtually smell and SEE the guilt coming out of his pores. Of course, every cheat is also a liar (whoever heard of an honest cheat), so if you suspect cheating, then you have to be on your toes to catch him out in a lie. Clue, body language. It may not always be about holes in his story; sometimes, it's in the way he tells them. Studies have shown that not all liars avoid eye contact; in fact some go out of their way to make eye contact so you have to look for other clues.

4. Kissing

If your spouse has been lip-locked with someone else, invariably, his kissing style changes. It may be subtle or overt but once he has kissed the forbidden lips, the next time he touches lips with you, he unconsciously mimics the other woman's technique. This does not however suggest that he wouldn't kiss differently if say, he was punched on the lips by the friendly neighbourhood burglar while the latter was carting away family treasures, nor is this meant to suggest that 20 years down the line, he would kiss you the same way he did at your wedding ceremony. You can easily figure out where to draw the line being that you are a sensible woman.

5. Excessive explanations

Do you remember being a kid with an overeager imagination? When you were asked who had been in the cookie jar, you made up stories ranging from burglars to fairies in order to protect the real culprit, you; but when you were innocent of the 'theft', you simply said, "I don't know".

When a man has been unfaithful, a simple "How was work?" is likely to earn you incredible accounts of how he got delayed because his boss decided to do the rumba on the conference table.

6. Suspicion

An unfaithful spouse will suddenly, and for no obvious reason, become suspicious of you, accusing you of flirting with everyone from the mailman to the elderly gentleman next door. If he was previously not the unreasonably jealous type, then be alert because most cheats abide by the principle: an attack is the best defence. So while you are busy fending off his attacks, he may be quietly and happily cheating on the side.

7. He gives you unusually free rein with his gadgets

Most people check the phones and e-mails first if they suspect someone is cheating and so, most cheats have learnt to grow with the times. If he is being unusually non-possessive of his gadgets, then you may have cause for alarm because not only is he cheating, he is also consistently wiping off the evidence!!! It's like premeditated cheating!

8. Follow the money

Every cheating man wants to do right by his lady love so naturally, he resorts to gifts and trips. If you can follow his spending habits, you may have a shot at catching him at it.

Please note that there are exceptions to every rule, but if four or more of these signs are present, you may want to keep a closer eye on your man. And yes, the signs in this articles are applicable not only to husbands, but also boyfriends. Indeed, where the 'suspect' is merely your boyfriend or fiance, a sign that works amazingly is: Watch where he spends time with you most. Studies have shown that if a man is juggling women, he rarely takes them to his house, prefering instead to spend more time at their place than his!

The worst thing you can do is confront a cheating husband before you have all the facts or evidence. Chances are, he will deny it and 'up' his cheating, daring you to catch him at his game - if you can!!!
                                                                                      Okoye Sherina O.
                                                                (Previously published by the author on Ezine Articles)

Wednesday, 29 August 2012

So I am good at keeping promises huh? For those of you who are wondering why I led with that, I have been inundated with a deluge of texts, IMs and facebook messages by disgruntled friends and readers, mostly of the male species, who felt the earlier article was a bit unfair since it centered around men lying. Of course I was quick to assure them that the article on clues to look for when you suspect a lady is lying was still pending.
A woman can lie with not just her words but also her actions. I conducted an informal study right here at the office, and believe it or not, 2 in every 5 women said they have at one time or the other pretended to enjoy a kiss when in reality they couldn't wait to run home, scrub their mouths out with bleach and boil their tongues in hot water!!!
It may sound amusing, but they were dead serious. I discovered something: women do lie (they are only human after all), but most times, they lie to spare a man's ego. Regardless however, lying is one of the first signs of a cheating wife or grilfriend,  and even when cheating is not an issue, lying means there is a problem in your relationship so I suppose it's only fair to know when she is lying and call her on the carpet.
The signs I previously discussed in my last post, (Can You Tell When He Is Lying To Your Face) also apply to women but there are still some peculiar traits women depict with every utterance of falsehood.
And now, I unveil the signs any prudent man should look out for when he wants to catch his lady love in the act, (and yes I mean wives, girlfriends, etc).
Sorry ladies, but the cat is out of the bag now...

1. Giggling.
Giggling is that cute girly laughter that usually  emits from chubby-cheeked little girls of say 5 or 6 years old when they have been mischievous or when they are just plain excited. Now admittedly, some women do retain that girlish laughter right into adulthood but where your wife of 10 years is one of those women blessed with this sexy, husky timbre (the type usually associated with say Toni Braxton), I think you should be worried if she suddenly resorts to girly giggles especially when she is discussing say, what she did with the money from your joint account or if she is assuring you that her hair and makeup are terribly mussed because she decided to have an after-work get together with the girls.

2.Avoids questions with tasks:
Women are natural multi-taskers, that is a given. However, that may be why when a woman is lying, it is almost impossible for her to sit still. She moves this way and that, busy as a bee but basically doing nothing. So hunks, when you ask something like "How did it go at your mother's?" And she suddenly starts dusting at non-existent specks on the dinning table  with one hand whilst loading the dishwasher with the other hand, you may want to call your mother-in-law(yes despite how much you detest her) and verify if wifey dearest actually went to see her Mom or her Boo.

3.The Quick Nervous glance:
Women are generally unable to hold your gaze when they lie, but that is hardly ever a sure-fire sign because some women are naturally averse to eye-contact whether as a result of personal character, beliefs, cultures. However, when she gives you that quick, nervous frutive glance and then looks away immediately, you do have a lot to be worried about.

4.Nervous movements:
More than men, women are prone to nervous movements when they are not being very honest. Watch her hands: If she is lying to your face, watch out for tell-tale signs like twirling her hair around her fingers, patting her head, or scratching her neck. Never underestimate the nose test: works every time. Studies have shown that when a person lies, the heart pumps faster thus swelling the nasal tissue and creating an itching sensation on the nose. However, since men generally have faster heartbeats than women, they are more prone to exhibit this sign when lying. Bill Clinton certainly itched his nose 26 times a minute during his infamous denial of the Monica Lewinsky affair!!!

5.Her voice:
Yes I know women usually have light voices but when a woman is spinning you a tale, her voice will more often than not, get noticeably higher or quavery, (unless of course she is just excited about something). Also, there may be slight hesitations as she cements her story. So if you do not know the normal tenor of your lady's voice after some years together, then ... I really do not know what to say to you!

6. Selective deafness
Invariably, she will ask you to repeat the question not because she did not hear what you asked, but because she is thinking quickly of something to say; something that sounds credible but is not necessarily so. Although this trait is not necessarily peculiar to women as men have been known to do this too. And of course you do realise that this does not necessarily mean that every single time someone asks you to repeat yourself, they are dreaming up untrue answers.

If you are with a truly devious woman, once you catch her out in her lies, her first line of defence would be to burst into tears because its an open secret that any truly decent man hates to see women cry(and since you are reading this article, I believe you are one). If she starts weeping, you will most likely be assailed by guilt and want to console her but this could backfire because in the time you are consoling, she is thinking furiously trying to come up with a more plausible explanation. Note: When a woman is falsely accused she may nevertheless burst into tears. In this instance, hurt and anger are in the driver's seat, and if you keep pushing at this point, you will most assuredly get an angry outburst, maybe a slap and then, she will likely storm out cursing you.

Nothing drives a woman away faster than accusing her falsely. So while some women may dig possessive men, you may want to dial down the accusations because she either decides to earn the accusations, or she decides you are not worth the trouble and tosses you out on your ear.

                                                                   Okoye Sherina

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Friday, 24 August 2012


People in a relationship generally lie for one reason:cheating!!! The first sign of a cheating husband is usually the almost instinctive lying adopted to cover up the fact that he has strayed and unfortunately, unlike the Pinnochio we all know and love, his nose will not grow with each lie, so you have to look for the signs.
Only this morning, fighting traffic on my way to work, I came across a most comic sight: A couple in the car stuck right beside me in the traffic jam, were all but coming to physical blows with the woman - obviously his wife - striking him repeatedly on the head with her handbag whilst asking repeatedly who 'she' was. No prizes for guessing who the mysterious 'she' of the conversation was.
Interestingly, the man who was cowering at the time to avoid the swinging bag kept yelling, "She is my sister!!!"
Apparently the woman was no one's fool because the next question was the exact one on the minds of all the inquisitive onlookers, myself included; "Your sister and she wasn't at the wedding???"
I'm certain those of us who have ever been in any relationship have at one time or the other been on the receiving (or 'giving') end of lying and the question becomes, how do you spot it when the usual tell-tale signs are not there? Your best bet is body language because no matter how talented a liar, the body's instinctive response to to purge itself of the effects of that falsehood. Here are some signs to guide you:

1. He leans back.
In a conversation between two people, naturally, they lean towards each other but if he suddenly leans back after you asked something like, "How did the game with the guys go?" then tuck your feet in and get ready for a real whopper! The reason for this is, he is subconsciously trying to distance himself from his lies. Of course you have to guage the circumstances properly because leaning back could sometimes signify merely withdrawing from you maybe because you said something annoying.

2. He tugs on his ear.
Ordinarily, this is a nervous gesture like you would adopt if say, you were about to explain to your boss why you made the stupid mistake that cost your company a $100,000 contract. But when the man you have known, loved and lived with for years suddenly adopts this gesture around you, you have to ask yourself why he would suddenly have cause to be nervous around you.

3. He hides his palms.
Public speakers for centuries have left one irrefutable clue for us: watch the hands!!! If your husband decides to tell you some 'Tales by Moonlight' he subconsciously hides his palms. When somebody is being honest, they usually turn their palms up so if he suddenly crosses his arms across his chest, or his palms disappear into his pockets or fly behind his back when he is about to explain why he came home late from work for the fifth time in a week, you should filter that story carefully before you swallow it.

4.He heats up.
Lying is thirsty work believe it or not. Often liars lick their lips or drink lots of water because lying carries its own heat. Have you ever observed a witness in the witness box who you know for a fact is lying? One of the first things you see is the almost desperate way he drinks water from the glass left out for him - unless of course the jurisdiction in question does not provide water for witnesses on the stand.  Some fair skinned people may actually blush when they lie, but for a dark skinned person, a sort of inner heat suffuses the face and causes the need for hydration. However, this does not mean you should pounce on husband dearest and accuse him of lying when all he did was drink a glass of water after baling hay all afternoon! 

5. Watch the eyes
No, I am not going to say eye-contact because that is a much-flogged issue and frankly, some people have perfected the art of lying while staring right into your eyes, and without blinking too. But you can use this against them too. If he is staring almost fanatically into your eyes while the rest of his facial muscles are unnaturally rigid, he is likely steeling himself to look right into your eyes to prevent you from suspecting that he is lying. Also, most people tend to rub their eyes or to keep glancing towards the nearest exit because the first instinct is to flee before you have a chance to discover their falsehood.

6. Change the topic
If he is lying to you, he will most likely try to either change the topic immediately, or give you unnecessary and long-winding explanations before craftily changing the topic. Here is an example: "Honey I am so sorry I am late. My boss kept me late to sign some fresh documents. He had a doctor's appointment with his wife. Remember I told you she hasn't been able to have kids because of that fibroid. It's sad. Meanwhile,I read somewhere that women can run tests to know if they have chances of having fibroid. We should see a Doctor together". Seriously?

7. Repitition
When he says something repeatedly it may be a sign that he likes the sound of that because it sounds convincing and then he decides to repeat it continously.

8. Head movements
If he is being sincere he will invariably nod expressively while speaking, although of course you know that not every body nods with every word. Please note carefully the distinction because a liar will nod after making the statement as an after-thought in order to  come across as sincere.

9. Ask
If you are at least 80% certain he is lying, just ask outright, "Are you lying?" As incredible as it seems, most people usually pretend not to notice when they are being lied to so if you suspect that he is lying, just ask bluntly and have fun watching him squirm because a direct question out of left-wing will most likely throw him off balance. However, you should make an effort to leave this option for last because the best way to catch a liar in the act is to keep drawing him out until he relaxes in a false sense of security.

10. Play on his emotions
If you decide to play hardball and ask outright if he is taking you on a merry ride, try pushing him to the edge. By this, I mean, ask questions guaranteed to get him to fly into a rage because people who are furious can hardly marshal their thoughts enough to concot a lie. When he is angry, the truth usually comes out!

In the end, you have to play cop and try to detect lying by listening with your senses and instincts and of course you have an added edge if you know your subject. I mean, why else do you think lawyers try to investigate a witness before cross-examination?

                                                                                                       Okoye Sherina

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