Tuesday, 8 July 2014


For some of us, the end of one year is a promise of something better and for some others, it presents the continuation of the same series of problems with no end in sight. Alright before I start waxing philosophical, our focus is relationships.
Every woman worth her salt knows that It's possible to love a guy so much that your breath stops every time you clap eyes on him;and every time he smiles at you, you get a little breathless. Well here are some of the things you could be doing which seem right but which in truth are pushing him that much further away:

1. Buying him expensive gifts
Yes it's very tempting to shower gifts on the man you love; I don't blame you, it's the mothering instinct in all of us but the result is, they make him feel indebted and in the long run, he starts to go out of his way to show you that he does not owe you a farthing. Are you seeing where I'm going with this? Men are perverse creatures: their egos often get in the way of a lot of things. He may know you mean well, but soon he will start to feel like a kept man, and unless he is a closet gigolo, you may be sure he will soon start to secretly resent you and your gifts because human nature being what it is, gratitude often starts to feel like a noose.

2. Changing to please a guy
One word; DON'T! Most men will try to tell you they prefer this or that in a woman and you can't really blame them because in the end, they are only human and everyone has preferences but changing yourself to please a guy is its own suicide. My point is, if being exactly yourself does not appeal to someone, then whatever you do will be very much like trying to fit a square peg in a round hole; you will end up bruised and miserable. If you don't suit him, trust me there is someone else out there who does, and vice versa. Of course if  he merely wants you to stop being a fishwife, then that's productive and you should really consider it because it's a bad habit he wants you to stop; but if he decides he wants to turn you into a timid, demure stepford wife, when you have the temperament of a true sanguine, then you might want to run for the hills!

3. Sex
Ah, a sensitive topic! Men by their very nature, will always try to have sex with you, but the truth is, whenever you give in to their incessant demands, they are disappointed on some level. Now don't get me wrong, this is not a condemnation for those who are not virgins, I am simply saying, keep it in your pants as much as possible! Studies have shown that sometimes the heightened anticipation that comes from not indulging in a more intimate relationship can strengthen the bond between a couple more than anything else. Oh and when there is a shiny diamond on your finger, you might want to keep it wrapped up much less.

4. Giving up your life for him.
I have never been too certain why some women believe that their lives start and end with a man. It's unfortunately very easy to bask in the aura of love and let the rest of live slide by;well don't! Having dreams and goals, pursuing them and achieving them make you a better, more satisfied and happier person and ultimately make you a better partner! So yes, by living your own life you are actually doing him a favour.

5. Being too available
Yes I know that if you had a nickel for every time you have heard this one, you would be as rich as Croesus; but have you stopped to think that if it wasn't true, you wouldn't hear so much of it? This is really a lot like number four above; you have to take care of every facet of your life rather than dump everything down a drain whilst you wait with bated breath for crumbs of attention from your lover If you love someone, it's natural to always want to see them and be with them. Well in truth, even if you are leg-shackled to a person, you don't always have to be available.Try as much as possible to keep busy and also have a healthy social and work life; in fact, it's good for your relationship if you aren't always on top of each other ____ no pun intended!

Sherina Okoye