Wednesday, 29 August 2012

So I am good at keeping promises huh? For those of you who are wondering why I led with that, I have been inundated with a deluge of texts, IMs and facebook messages by disgruntled friends and readers, mostly of the male species, who felt the earlier article was a bit unfair since it centered around men lying. Of course I was quick to assure them that the article on clues to look for when you suspect a lady is lying was still pending.
A woman can lie with not just her words but also her actions. I conducted an informal study right here at the office, and believe it or not, 2 in every 5 women said they have at one time or the other pretended to enjoy a kiss when in reality they couldn't wait to run home, scrub their mouths out with bleach and boil their tongues in hot water!!!
It may sound amusing, but they were dead serious. I discovered something: women do lie (they are only human after all), but most times, they lie to spare a man's ego. Regardless however, lying is one of the first signs of a cheating wife or grilfriend,  and even when cheating is not an issue, lying means there is a problem in your relationship so I suppose it's only fair to know when she is lying and call her on the carpet.
The signs I previously discussed in my last post, (Can You Tell When He Is Lying To Your Face) also apply to women but there are still some peculiar traits women depict with every utterance of falsehood.
And now, I unveil the signs any prudent man should look out for when he wants to catch his lady love in the act, (and yes I mean wives, girlfriends, etc).
Sorry ladies, but the cat is out of the bag now...

1. Giggling.
Giggling is that cute girly laughter that usually  emits from chubby-cheeked little girls of say 5 or 6 years old when they have been mischievous or when they are just plain excited. Now admittedly, some women do retain that girlish laughter right into adulthood but where your wife of 10 years is one of those women blessed with this sexy, husky timbre (the type usually associated with say Toni Braxton), I think you should be worried if she suddenly resorts to girly giggles especially when she is discussing say, what she did with the money from your joint account or if she is assuring you that her hair and makeup are terribly mussed because she decided to have an after-work get together with the girls.

2.Avoids questions with tasks:
Women are natural multi-taskers, that is a given. However, that may be why when a woman is lying, it is almost impossible for her to sit still. She moves this way and that, busy as a bee but basically doing nothing. So hunks, when you ask something like "How did it go at your mother's?" And she suddenly starts dusting at non-existent specks on the dinning table  with one hand whilst loading the dishwasher with the other hand, you may want to call your mother-in-law(yes despite how much you detest her) and verify if wifey dearest actually went to see her Mom or her Boo.

3.The Quick Nervous glance:
Women are generally unable to hold your gaze when they lie, but that is hardly ever a sure-fire sign because some women are naturally averse to eye-contact whether as a result of personal character, beliefs, cultures. However, when she gives you that quick, nervous frutive glance and then looks away immediately, you do have a lot to be worried about.

4.Nervous movements:
More than men, women are prone to nervous movements when they are not being very honest. Watch her hands: If she is lying to your face, watch out for tell-tale signs like twirling her hair around her fingers, patting her head, or scratching her neck. Never underestimate the nose test: works every time. Studies have shown that when a person lies, the heart pumps faster thus swelling the nasal tissue and creating an itching sensation on the nose. However, since men generally have faster heartbeats than women, they are more prone to exhibit this sign when lying. Bill Clinton certainly itched his nose 26 times a minute during his infamous denial of the Monica Lewinsky affair!!!

5.Her voice:
Yes I know women usually have light voices but when a woman is spinning you a tale, her voice will more often than not, get noticeably higher or quavery, (unless of course she is just excited about something). Also, there may be slight hesitations as she cements her story. So if you do not know the normal tenor of your lady's voice after some years together, then ... I really do not know what to say to you!

6. Selective deafness
Invariably, she will ask you to repeat the question not because she did not hear what you asked, but because she is thinking quickly of something to say; something that sounds credible but is not necessarily so. Although this trait is not necessarily peculiar to women as men have been known to do this too. And of course you do realise that this does not necessarily mean that every single time someone asks you to repeat yourself, they are dreaming up untrue answers.

If you are with a truly devious woman, once you catch her out in her lies, her first line of defence would be to burst into tears because its an open secret that any truly decent man hates to see women cry(and since you are reading this article, I believe you are one). If she starts weeping, you will most likely be assailed by guilt and want to console her but this could backfire because in the time you are consoling, she is thinking furiously trying to come up with a more plausible explanation. Note: When a woman is falsely accused she may nevertheless burst into tears. In this instance, hurt and anger are in the driver's seat, and if you keep pushing at this point, you will most assuredly get an angry outburst, maybe a slap and then, she will likely storm out cursing you.

Nothing drives a woman away faster than accusing her falsely. So while some women may dig possessive men, you may want to dial down the accusations because she either decides to earn the accusations, or she decides you are not worth the trouble and tosses you out on your ear.

                                                                   Okoye Sherina

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Friday, 24 August 2012


People in a relationship generally lie for one reason:cheating!!! The first sign of a cheating husband is usually the almost instinctive lying adopted to cover up the fact that he has strayed and unfortunately, unlike the Pinnochio we all know and love, his nose will not grow with each lie, so you have to look for the signs.
Only this morning, fighting traffic on my way to work, I came across a most comic sight: A couple in the car stuck right beside me in the traffic jam, were all but coming to physical blows with the woman - obviously his wife - striking him repeatedly on the head with her handbag whilst asking repeatedly who 'she' was. No prizes for guessing who the mysterious 'she' of the conversation was.
Interestingly, the man who was cowering at the time to avoid the swinging bag kept yelling, "She is my sister!!!"
Apparently the woman was no one's fool because the next question was the exact one on the minds of all the inquisitive onlookers, myself included; "Your sister and she wasn't at the wedding???"
I'm certain those of us who have ever been in any relationship have at one time or the other been on the receiving (or 'giving') end of lying and the question becomes, how do you spot it when the usual tell-tale signs are not there? Your best bet is body language because no matter how talented a liar, the body's instinctive response to to purge itself of the effects of that falsehood. Here are some signs to guide you:

1. He leans back.
In a conversation between two people, naturally, they lean towards each other but if he suddenly leans back after you asked something like, "How did the game with the guys go?" then tuck your feet in and get ready for a real whopper! The reason for this is, he is subconsciously trying to distance himself from his lies. Of course you have to guage the circumstances properly because leaning back could sometimes signify merely withdrawing from you maybe because you said something annoying.

2. He tugs on his ear.
Ordinarily, this is a nervous gesture like you would adopt if say, you were about to explain to your boss why you made the stupid mistake that cost your company a $100,000 contract. But when the man you have known, loved and lived with for years suddenly adopts this gesture around you, you have to ask yourself why he would suddenly have cause to be nervous around you.

3. He hides his palms.
Public speakers for centuries have left one irrefutable clue for us: watch the hands!!! If your husband decides to tell you some 'Tales by Moonlight' he subconsciously hides his palms. When somebody is being honest, they usually turn their palms up so if he suddenly crosses his arms across his chest, or his palms disappear into his pockets or fly behind his back when he is about to explain why he came home late from work for the fifth time in a week, you should filter that story carefully before you swallow it.

4.He heats up.
Lying is thirsty work believe it or not. Often liars lick their lips or drink lots of water because lying carries its own heat. Have you ever observed a witness in the witness box who you know for a fact is lying? One of the first things you see is the almost desperate way he drinks water from the glass left out for him - unless of course the jurisdiction in question does not provide water for witnesses on the stand.  Some fair skinned people may actually blush when they lie, but for a dark skinned person, a sort of inner heat suffuses the face and causes the need for hydration. However, this does not mean you should pounce on husband dearest and accuse him of lying when all he did was drink a glass of water after baling hay all afternoon! 

5. Watch the eyes
No, I am not going to say eye-contact because that is a much-flogged issue and frankly, some people have perfected the art of lying while staring right into your eyes, and without blinking too. But you can use this against them too. If he is staring almost fanatically into your eyes while the rest of his facial muscles are unnaturally rigid, he is likely steeling himself to look right into your eyes to prevent you from suspecting that he is lying. Also, most people tend to rub their eyes or to keep glancing towards the nearest exit because the first instinct is to flee before you have a chance to discover their falsehood.

6. Change the topic
If he is lying to you, he will most likely try to either change the topic immediately, or give you unnecessary and long-winding explanations before craftily changing the topic. Here is an example: "Honey I am so sorry I am late. My boss kept me late to sign some fresh documents. He had a doctor's appointment with his wife. Remember I told you she hasn't been able to have kids because of that fibroid. It's sad. Meanwhile,I read somewhere that women can run tests to know if they have chances of having fibroid. We should see a Doctor together". Seriously?

7. Repitition
When he says something repeatedly it may be a sign that he likes the sound of that because it sounds convincing and then he decides to repeat it continously.

8. Head movements
If he is being sincere he will invariably nod expressively while speaking, although of course you know that not every body nods with every word. Please note carefully the distinction because a liar will nod after making the statement as an after-thought in order to  come across as sincere.

9. Ask
If you are at least 80% certain he is lying, just ask outright, "Are you lying?" As incredible as it seems, most people usually pretend not to notice when they are being lied to so if you suspect that he is lying, just ask bluntly and have fun watching him squirm because a direct question out of left-wing will most likely throw him off balance. However, you should make an effort to leave this option for last because the best way to catch a liar in the act is to keep drawing him out until he relaxes in a false sense of security.

10. Play on his emotions
If you decide to play hardball and ask outright if he is taking you on a merry ride, try pushing him to the edge. By this, I mean, ask questions guaranteed to get him to fly into a rage because people who are furious can hardly marshal their thoughts enough to concot a lie. When he is angry, the truth usually comes out!

In the end, you have to play cop and try to detect lying by listening with your senses and instincts and of course you have an added edge if you know your subject. I mean, why else do you think lawyers try to investigate a witness before cross-examination?

                                                                                                       Okoye Sherina

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Wednesday, 22 August 2012


Sometimes, life can feel pretty much like a treadmill. You know how you run so hard but when you look around you are running steadily in one spot? It is the most terrifying, mortifying and discouraging thing you can imagine ¾ in life of course, not the gym! It’s like going around in circles.

At work the other day, I was given a stack of files to review and after 3 hours of back-breaking labour, I realised I had been working on the wrong stack of files because someone else had already done that particular stack and I had to start afresh on the right stack. I still haven’t been able to laugh about that.

It’s sad to see someone who is going nowhere fast! Physics puts it better with one of its numerous laws: Force without Distance = 0.

Lots of people set out with a clearly defined goal in mind, but sadly, they rarely ever reach their goals because they were going the wrong way about it. It’s not enough to merely have a goal; it should also be a realistic one.  Lots of talents are buried untapped in the hard unyielding earth because their owners were content to merely rest on their laurels and dream, or were so befuddled by a variety of choices that they just lay down on a spot and let life use them as a foot mat. An anonymous person wrote: “A man with one watch knows what time it is, a man with two is never quite sure”.

In the race for success, you should not only have a goal but also have a clearly mapped out plan for its attainment. Regardless, you should be prepared to change your plans according to circumstances otherwise you may end up beating a dead horse.

                                                                                                                                                                                              Sherina O. Okoye

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Monday, 20 August 2012


Yesterday, as I walked down the aisle of a famous shopping mall (I don’t want a lawsuit beating down my door, so I’m quite sure you understand need for anonymity), I happened across a section carved out for commodities essential to celebrants of the Sallah festivities. As I wandered over to admire, an attendant yelled, “No! We don’t let everyone close to the shelves. Please maintain some distance!”

Disbelievingly, I turned around only to discover the dear man was yelling those words at none other than my good self!

Why would he speak so rudely and with such dirty and nasty insinuations? I was after all decked out in my best clothes which consisted of a rather worn-out, ‘was white’   t-shirt which was so old and threadbare, one could comfortably count my ribs through it; a pair of Jeans which had been washed into submission; and a sad pair of trainers with the big toe of my right foot poking out.

As I stood there, mouth agape at such unprecedented rudeness, the very same attendant escorted some lady, positively oozing wealth, right up to the shelf and hurried to grab a shopping cart for her, before leaving her to her own devices.

A puzzled glance around convinced me that only I and one other ‘down-on-his-luck’ guy had been restricted from approaching the shelves. Well to be frank, I could understand restricting that guy ¾ he did have a rather shifty and furtive look about him, but I was another matter entirely.

Drawing myself up to my ‘intimidating’ height of 5”4, I stalked to the shelves and started grabbing random items and stuffing them in my hitherto empty cart. In two seconds, the clerk was at my elbow as I expected, making a production of breathing down my neck and keeping an eagle eye on where everything I picked went. As I wasn’t with a handbag, and the top I had on was threadbare enough to be transparent, I wondered where the man expected me to stuff any harvests of sticky-fingers ¾ my mouth?

By the time I reached the grain section, I had had quite enough. I let a pack of beans slip from my fingers as I walked and naturally it scattered across the floor. Because the odious man was striding so energetically in my wake, he slipped on the grains and made a satisfying thump when he hit the floor.

For good measure, I loudly refused to pay for as single purchase. On hearing this, the fallen attendant got huffily to his feet and started towards me. I flashed a sweet smile at the tall distinguished gentleman now beside me and said in a voice that carried, “Daddy, that’s the man!”

The sight of the tall man stopped the clerk cold because ‘Daddy’ was his boss, owner of the freakin’ mall! Guess whose mouth was agape now? I felt like taking a bow! It was Sallah, and I had just slain a dragon without breaking a sweat!

Like they say, “Be careful what fingers you step on today because they may be attached to the ass you have to kiss tomorrow”.

Grinning at the subdued young man, I couldn’t wait for the grovelling to begin. If nothing else, he would never again treat anyone shabbily not even if they were dressed well... shabbily!
                                                                       Sherina Okoye

Tuesday, 14 August 2012




Okoye Sherina Oluchi

·           STILETTOS

Before you start screaming for my blood, I love stilettos as much as the next girl, but when said stilettos are as high as a toddler... alright that is an exaggeration, but you get my drift.

Stilettos coordinate your walk and give any girl sexy steps but hey, why would you want to climb an actual ladder (in the form of heels) and clutch the arm of every person like an old woman?

Seriously! Not only does it make you seem trivial and silly, you also come across as some attention-seeking notice-me-or-I-die type of person. Like that? I didn’t think so.

·           MAKEUP

Hmm yes, touchy. Some of us need makeup the way birds need wings but hey, the first rule of thumb concerning make-up and indeed everything else in life is: less is more. The more natural your makeup seems on you, the more natural and eye-friendly your beauty will be. Besides, burying your skin under thick layers of chemicals can’t be good for those pores can they? Your friends may not say this to your face, but they do laugh at your excess make-up behind your back. Unless of course theirs is even thicker than yours¾ a scary thought.


Spaghetti-strap tops are a personal favourite of mine, what with the insanely hot weather. Most people simply put on these simple apparels with a pair of jeans and they are good to go. But sisters if you are not sure how steady the weather is going to be ¾ and we do know it almost never is¾ please do grab a jacket as well, or a shawl. Since oversized bags have never really gone out of style, you will have a place to stuff them in. Remember, as much as it pains me to admit this, Nigerian guys are not big on chivalry. Imagine your mortification when your date hoards his jacket to himself blithely ignoring the fact that you are half-freezing with audibly chattering teeth, right beside him. Or worse, he hands you his jacket and his own teeth start to chatter audibly.

·         PERFUMES

In my secondary school days we had a section of lavatories called “oozing block”. You could smell them from a mile away! How does this relate to perfumes? These babies are excellent confidence boosters for some, for others it sends a message. That is all good and well. But remember, some perfumes do have pungent odours, and in your bid to smell great you may come off smelling like what the cat ate and threw up! So before you pick a new, not tested nor trusted perfume or body spray, do ask a friend to analyze the smell for you. More expensive does not always mean better.

Ps: a member of the opposite sex, is always a better bet ¾ and I mean that for both sexes.

·           SPECTACLES

      The importance thereof, can never be over-emphasized. Apart from making you look mysterious and intriguing, they also¾if you choose the right ones¾ keep out UV rays thus protecting you from cataract and some other sight-stealing diseases that are courtesy of UV rays. But do all these stated reasons justify buying specs that do not fit your face and end up making you look... well, like a victim of fashion?    

·           JEANS

    I can almost hear your “you have got to be kidding me”. Well chill out. Jeans are practically a girl’s best friend ¾ in Nigeria anyway. However, it is pathetic, pitiful, and downright disgusting when these ‘best friends’ of ours are forced to play the role of pornographic bill-boards. Oh come now, don’t be coy. You are intelligent enough to take my meaning. Why do girls and boys of today wear jeans hanging almost to their knees not minding all that private flesh coupled with bulging stretch marks hanging out like flags from a window?

Jeans, especially the trousers are great fashion. You can dress them up or down. But it is exceedingly tacky to deliberately don ill-fitting jeans and expose your butt to non-admiring eyes. See that guy checking out your naked butt whilst driving past? If he is worth his salt, that light in his eyes does not signify appreciation but censure, disgust and pity!

So the next time you reach for that vulgarly-cut low-waist jeans, think about whom you really want to attract¾ a lascivious, slobbering bull-dog, or a sleek, well-bred, decent panther.