Friday, 24 August 2012
CAN YOU REALLY TELL WHEN HE IS LYING TO YOUR FACE?
People in a relationship generally lie for one reason:cheating!!! The first sign of a cheating husband is usually the almost instinctive lying adopted to cover up the fact that he has strayed and unfortunately, unlike the Pinnochio we all know and love, his nose will not grow with each lie, so you have to look for the signs.
Only this morning, fighting traffic on my way to work, I came across a most comic sight: A couple in the car stuck right beside me in the traffic jam, were all but coming to physical blows with the woman - obviously his wife - striking him repeatedly on the head with her handbag whilst asking repeatedly who 'she' was. No prizes for guessing who the mysterious 'she' of the conversation was.
Interestingly, the man who was cowering at the time to avoid the swinging bag kept yelling, "She is my sister!!!"
Apparently the woman was no one's fool because the next question was the exact one on the minds of all the inquisitive onlookers, myself included; "Your sister and she wasn't at the wedding???"
I'm certain those of us who have ever been in any relationship have at one time or the other been on the receiving (or 'giving') end of lying and the question becomes, how do you spot it when the usual tell-tale signs are not there? Your best bet is body language because no matter how talented a liar, the body's instinctive response to to purge itself of the effects of that falsehood. Here are some signs to guide you:
1. He leans back.
In a conversation between two people, naturally, they lean towards each other but if he suddenly leans back after you asked something like, "How did the game with the guys go?" then tuck your feet in and get ready for a real whopper! The reason for this is, he is subconsciously trying to distance himself from his lies. Of course you have to guage the circumstances properly because leaning back could sometimes signify merely withdrawing from you maybe because you said something annoying.
2. He tugs on his ear.
Ordinarily, this is a nervous gesture like you would adopt if say, you were about to explain to your boss why you made the stupid mistake that cost your company a $100,000 contract. But when the man you have known, loved and lived with for years suddenly adopts this gesture around you, you have to ask yourself why he would suddenly have cause to be nervous around you.
3. He hides his palms.
Public speakers for centuries have left one irrefutable clue for us: watch the hands!!! If your husband decides to tell you some 'Tales by Moonlight' he subconsciously hides his palms. When somebody is being honest, they usually turn their palms up so if he suddenly crosses his arms across his chest, or his palms disappear into his pockets or fly behind his back when he is about to explain why he came home late from work for the fifth time in a week, you should filter that story carefully before you swallow it.
4.He heats up.
Lying is thirsty work believe it or not. Often liars lick their lips or drink lots of water because lying carries its own heat. Have you ever observed a witness in the witness box who you know for a fact is lying? One of the first things you see is the almost desperate way he drinks water from the glass left out for him - unless of course the jurisdiction in question does not provide water for witnesses on the stand. Some fair skinned people may actually blush when they lie, but for a dark skinned person, a sort of inner heat suffuses the face and causes the need for hydration. However, this does not mean you should pounce on husband dearest and accuse him of lying when all he did was drink a glass of water after baling hay all afternoon!
5. Watch the eyes
No, I am not going to say eye-contact because that is a much-flogged issue and frankly, some people have perfected the art of lying while staring right into your eyes, and without blinking too. But you can use this against them too. If he is staring almost fanatically into your eyes while the rest of his facial muscles are unnaturally rigid, he is likely steeling himself to look right into your eyes to prevent you from suspecting that he is lying. Also, most people tend to rub their eyes or to keep glancing towards the nearest exit because the first instinct is to flee before you have a chance to discover their falsehood.
6. Change the topic
If he is lying to you, he will most likely try to either change the topic immediately, or give you unnecessary and long-winding explanations before craftily changing the topic. Here is an example: "Honey I am so sorry I am late. My boss kept me late to sign some fresh documents. He had a doctor's appointment with his wife. Remember I told you she hasn't been able to have kids because of that fibroid. It's sad. Meanwhile,I read somewhere that women can run tests to know if they have chances of having fibroid. We should see a Doctor together". Seriously?
When he says something repeatedly it may be a sign that he likes the sound of that because it sounds convincing and then he decides to repeat it continously.
8. Head movements
If he is being sincere he will invariably nod expressively while speaking, although of course you know that not every body nods with every word. Please note carefully the distinction because a liar will nod after making the statement as an after-thought in order to come across as sincere.
If you are at least 80% certain he is lying, just ask outright, "Are you lying?" As incredible as it seems, most people usually pretend not to notice when they are being lied to so if you suspect that he is lying, just ask bluntly and have fun watching him squirm because a direct question out of left-wing will most likely throw him off balance. However, you should make an effort to leave this option for last because the best way to catch a liar in the act is to keep drawing him out until he relaxes in a false sense of security.
10. Play on his emotions
If you decide to play hardball and ask outright if he is taking you on a merry ride, try pushing him to the edge. By this, I mean, ask questions guaranteed to get him to fly into a rage because people who are furious can hardly marshal their thoughts enough to concot a lie. When he is angry, the truth usually comes out!
In the end, you have to play cop and try to detect lying by listening with your senses and instincts and of course you have an added edge if you know your subject. I mean, why else do you think lawyers try to investigate a witness before cross-examination?
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