RUNNING TO OBTAIN

Sometimes, life can feel pretty much like a treadmill. You know how you run so hard but when you look around you are running steadily in one spot? It is the most terrifying, mortifying and discouraging thing you can imagine ¾ in life of course, not the gym! It’s like going around in circles.

At work the other day, I was given a stack of files to review and after 3 hours of back-breaking labour, I realised I had been working on the wrong stack of files because someone else had already done that particular stack and I had to start afresh on the right stack. I still haven’t been able to laugh about that.

It’s sad to see someone who is going nowhere fast! Physics puts it better with one of its numerous laws: Force without Distance = 0.

Lots of people set out with a clearly defined goal in mind, but sadly, they rarely ever reach their goals because they were going the wrong way about it. It’s not enough to merely have a goal; it should also be a realistic one.  Lots of talents are buried untapped in the hard unyielding earth because their owners were content to merely rest on their laurels and dream, or were so befuddled by a variety of choices that they just lay down on a spot and let life use them as a foot mat. An anonymous person wrote: “A man with one watch knows what time it is, a man with two is never quite sure”.

In the race for success, you should not only have a goal but also have a clearly mapped out plan for its attainment. Regardless, you should be prepared to change your plans according to circumstances otherwise you may end up beating a dead horse.

                                                                                                                                                                                              Sherina O. Okoye


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IN THE SPIRIT OF SALLAH ...

Yesterday, as I walked down the aisle of a famous shopping mall (I don’t want a lawsuit beating down my door, so I’m quite sure you understand need for anonymity), I happened across a section carved out for commodities essential to celebrants of the Sallah festivities. As I wandered over to admire, an attendant yelled, “No! We don’t let everyone close to the shelves. Please maintain some distance!”

Disbelievingly, I turned around only to discover the dear man was yelling those words at none other than my good self!

Why would he speak so rudely and with such dirty and nasty insinuations? I was after all decked out in my best clothes which consisted of a rather worn-out, ‘was white’   t-shirt which was so old and threadbare, one could comfortably count my ribs through it; a pair of Jeans which had been washed into submission; and a sad pair of trainers with the big toe of my right foot poking out.

As I stood there, mouth agape at such unprecedented rudeness, the very same attendant escorted some lady, positively oozing wealth, right up to the shelf and hurried to grab a shopping cart for her, before leaving her to her own devices.

A puzzled glance around convinced me that only I and one other ‘down-on-his-luck’ guy had been restricted from approaching the shelves. Well to be frank, I could understand restricting that guy ¾ he did have a rather shifty and furtive look about him, but I was another matter entirely.

Drawing myself up to my ‘intimidating’ height of 5”4, I stalked to the shelves and started grabbing random items and stuffing them in my hitherto empty cart. In two seconds, the clerk was at my elbow as I expected, making a production of breathing down my neck and keeping an eagle eye on where everything I picked went. As I wasn’t with a handbag, and the top I had on was threadbare enough to be transparent, I wondered where the man expected me to stuff any harvests of sticky-fingers ¾ my mouth?

By the time I reached the grain section, I had had quite enough. I let a pack of beans slip from my fingers as I walked and naturally it scattered across the floor. Because the odious man was striding so energetically in my wake, he slipped on the grains and made a satisfying thump when he hit the floor.

For good measure, I loudly refused to pay for as single purchase. On hearing this, the fallen attendant got huffily to his feet and started towards me. I flashed a sweet smile at the tall distinguished gentleman now beside me and said in a voice that carried, “Daddy, that’s the man!”

The sight of the tall man stopped the clerk cold because ‘Daddy’ was his boss, owner of the freakin’ mall! Guess whose mouth was agape now? I felt like taking a bow! It was Sallah, and I had just slain a dragon without breaking a sweat!

Like they say, “Be careful what fingers you step on today because they may be attached to the ass you have to kiss tomorrow”.

Grinning at the subdued young man, I couldn’t wait for the grovelling to begin. If nothing else, he would never again treat anyone shabbily not even if they were dressed well... shabbily!

                                                                       Sherina Okoye

THE SIX DON'Ts OF FASHION TODAY

THE SIX DON’Ts OF FASHION TODAY

                                                        By

Okoye Sherina Oluchi

·           STILETTOS

Before you start screaming for my blood, I love stilettos as much as the next girl, but when said stilettos are as high as a toddler... alright that is an exaggeration, but you get my drift.

Stilettos coordinate your walk and give any girl sexy steps but hey, why would you want to climb an actual ladder (in the form of heels) and clutch the arm of every person like an old woman?

Seriously! Not only does it make you seem trivial and silly, you also come across as some attention-seeking notice-me-or-I-die type of person. Like that? I didn’t think so.

·           MAKEUP

Hmm yes, touchy. Some of us need makeup the way birds need wings but hey, the first rule of thumb concerning make-up and indeed everything else in life is: less is more. The more natural your makeup seems on you, the more natural and eye-friendly your beauty will be. Besides, burying your skin under thick layers of chemicals can’t be good for those pores can they? Your friends may not say this to your face, but they do laugh at your excess make-up behind your back. Unless of course theirs is even thicker than yours¾ a scary thought.

·           SPAGS/SLEEVELESS TOPS

Spaghetti-strap tops are a personal favourite of mine, what with the insanely hot weather. Most people simply put on these simple apparels with a pair of jeans and they are good to go. But sisters if you are not sure how steady the weather is going to be ¾ and we do know it almost never is¾ please do grab a jacket as well, or a shawl. Since oversized bags have never really gone out of style, you will have a place to stuff them in. Remember, as much as it pains me to admit this, Nigerian guys are not big on chivalry. Imagine your mortification when your date hoards his jacket to himself blithely ignoring the fact that you are half-freezing with audibly chattering teeth, right beside him. Or worse, he hands you his jacket and his own teeth start to chatter audibly.

·         PERFUMES

In my secondary school days we had a section of lavatories called “oozing block”. You could smell them from a mile away! How does this relate to perfumes? These babies are excellent confidence boosters for some, for others it sends a message. That is all good and well. But remember, some perfumes do have pungent odours, and in your bid to smell great you may come off smelling like what the cat ate and threw up! So before you pick a new, not tested nor trusted perfume or body spray, do ask a friend to analyze the smell for you. More expensive does not always mean better.

Ps: a member of the opposite sex, is always a better bet ¾ and I mean that for both sexes.

·           SPECTACLES

      The importance thereof, can never be over-emphasized. Apart from making you look mysterious and intriguing, they also¾if you choose the right ones¾ keep out UV rays thus protecting you from cataract and some other sight-stealing diseases that are courtesy of UV rays. But do all these stated reasons justify buying specs that do not fit your face and end up making you look... well, like a victim of fashion?    

·           JEANS

    I can almost hear your “you have got to be kidding me”. Well chill out. Jeans are practically a girl’s best friend ¾ in Nigeria anyway. However, it is pathetic, pitiful, and downright disgusting when these ‘best friends’ of ours are forced to play the role of pornographic bill-boards. Oh come now, don’t be coy. You are intelligent enough to take my meaning. Why do girls and boys of today wear jeans hanging almost to their knees not minding all that private flesh coupled with bulging stretch marks hanging out like flags from a window?

Jeans, especially the trousers are great fashion. You can dress them up or down. But it is exceedingly tacky to deliberately don ill-fitting jeans and expose your butt to non-admiring eyes. See that guy checking out your naked butt whilst driving past? If he is worth his salt, that light in his eyes does not signify appreciation but censure, disgust and pity!

So the next time you reach for that vulgarly-cut low-waist jeans, think about whom you really want to attract¾ a lascivious, slobbering bull-dog, or a sleek, well-bred, decent panther.

Toodles.